You are not too much.
You are not too little.
You are not too fat.
You are not too skinny.
You are not too stupid.
You are not too smart.
You are not loud.
You are not too quiet.
You are not “too” anything. Because despite what you may believe, “too” is just an illusion. It’s a myth. It’s a social construct created out of comparing ourselves to others. You can only be too much of something if you compare yourself to someone who has less of it. And you can only be too little of something if you compare yourself to someone who has more of it.
There is no baseline. There is no “normal.” There is no possible way to measure your “too-ness.” There is only subjectivity and guesswork and false judgments. Everything that you view as “wrong” or “bad” about yourself is viewed that way because you’ve measured it up against other people.
***Quick side note – I’m putting a lot of words in quotes because I believe that all of these words, when applied to our self-image, are too subjective to really mean anything and can be extremely harmful.
Anywho, back to business. You’re not “too” anything. That’s where we were right?
Do something for me now: imagine that you are the only person in the whole wide world. And let’s pretend that you’re not lonely (because that would be sad and this is supposed to be a happy exercise). So imagine you’re the only person and there’s no one else. There’s never been anyone else. You’ve only ever been around or seen yourself.
Now imagine you are taking a look at yourself in the mirror, in this pretend world. You look exactly as you are right now, in this moment (in the real world). Your body looks as it looks, you’re wearing the clothes that you’re wearing, your hair looks just as it is. What do you see? Think about how you would feel about yourself. Really think about it. How would you feel about yourself if you’d never seen anyone else?
You would think that you looked freakin’ awesome. Because how could you ever make a judgment on your weight or your looks if you’d never seen anyone else? You’d have nothing to compare yourself to. And so you’d think you were just exactly right.
And let me let you in on a little secret – you are exactly right. No, we’re not in the pretend world anymore. We’re right here, right now. It’s 2016. And you are exactly right.
And beyond what you saw in the mirror, think about your qualities, your traits, your characteristics. If you were the only person in the world and had nothing to compare yourself to, would you still think you were too fat, or too loud, or too stupid? No! You would think that you were exactly right. And you would be correct.
I have a favorite quote from Teddy Roosevelt – “Comparison is the thief of joy.” (I’ve included a pretty illustration of it below for your viewing pleasure).
This quote speaks to me deeply. We, as humans, crave joy. We never want to feel sad, or hurt, or unhappy. We wish we could live in a constant state of joy. And what’s stopping us? Besides the bad things that happen in life – the traumas, the stresses, the horrible events. In our day-to-day life, what is stopping us from living in a constant state of joy?
If you haven’t already figured this out, the answer is comparison. Because comparison is the thief of joy. Here is a really shitty cartoon I edited to make things really clear:
There he goes. Just running away with your all your joy. And only you have the power to stop him. Only you can stop comparing yourself to others. This world will always encourage you to measure yourself up against its standards.
The media is full of examples. Magazines with the “ideal woman” on the cover. Television shows that only portray one body type, one personality type, one race, one ability level, one gender identity. It’s hard not to compare yourself to these images that are being thrown at you far and wide. It’s hard to ignore the message that society is bombarding you with.
Your happiness, your joy, is in your hands. It comes down to your decision not to compare yourself to others. It comes down to you actively trying to break old habits, but not getting down on yourself when you do occasionally slip up.
I think I’ll always sigh when I see Sophia Bush on a magazine cover. I’ll always wish my hair looked like hers, that I had her gravelly voice, and her talent for writing and inspiring others. Because I think Sophia Bush is the bomb. But I can simultaneously say that I love my own hair, and my voice, and I also (hopefully) have the capacity to write things that will inspire others.
I am human. and I live in a world with lots of other humans. I don’t live in that pretend world. And so, naturally, I do occasionally catch myself comparing myself to others. But even when I have a moment of “I wish I was more (fill in the blank)…” I can let the feeling come, acknowledge its presence, and then actively allow it to pass as I come into acceptance of my own self. It’s up to you to accept yourself as enough. To realize that you are just right. To finally recognize that you are not “too” and you never have been.
