Success
noun [suh k-ses]
- The favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals.
- The attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.
- A performance or achievement that is marked by success, as by the attainment of honors.
- A person or thing that has had success, as measured by attainment of goals, wealth, etc.
(via dictionary.com)
What is success?
Is there really one definition of the word that holds true for all people? My simple answer is no – we don’t all desire the same things in life, so how could we all have the same definition of what it means to be successful?
In the US, success is most often viewed as the attainment of the ever-elusive “American Dream.” You know, the one where you live in a mortgage free home with your gorgeous spouse and two perfect children and the dog who can run around the yard because it’s bordered by a white picket fence. If you’re doing really well you have a 90″ flat screen in the living room and a boat in the garage. And to attain all this you have a job that makes 6 figures, of course, which you secured with your extensive college education.
The problem with this is it’s just one picture of so-called “success,” and it’s one that so many people can’t necessarily attain, nor should they want to. Society spoon feeds us this vision and it becomes ingrained in our minds as THE definition of success, when in reality it’s just one version. Not to mention that this vision is rooted in materialism, and characterizes success as having the most (whether that be money, items, etc.).
I encourage you to define success for yourself.
Envision what it would look like for you to be “successful.” Does this involve having your dream job? Or living in a little shack on the beach? Or having a whole bunch of babies? Or having the freedom to travel? Or maybe just simply being happy?
None of your answers can be wrong, because you are the one creating this definition for yourself. It’s about what you want out of life. And don’t be afraid to keep it fluid. As you change and your life changes, your definition of success will change too. Maybe at first your idea of success is the one I wrote out above. And then perhaps something comes along and totally throws a wrench in your life’s plan and suddenly that picture-perfect vision of success no longer stirs your soul. It’s ok to be constantly redefining your idea of success.
Some brilliant words from Cheryl Strayed:
I want to tell you a few personal stories that come to mind immediately upon reading this quote:
The College Decision
What I was in high school I applied to three colleges. Emmanuel College (my safety), Assumption College (where I really wanted to go), and Providence College (which was a slight reach). I got into Emmanuel and Assumption on the same day, and immediately made up my mind that I was going to go to Assumption, as that was where I had wanted to go all along. I forgot all about Providence, until they sent me an acceptance letter a few weeks later.
Suddenly I was faced with a decision
Do I go to the school that I have really wanted to go to all along, or do I go to the one that has a more well-known name and may be perceived as slightly “better.” I wondered what people would think if I turned down the “better” school…and I also thought about how people might perceive me as a student at either school. Is it more impressive to be able to say I’m going to Providence? Will people think I’m smarter?
Of course, I turned to my very wise mother, who said she would support whatever decision I made. But she knew how excited I was about going to Assumption, and thought that I should follow my heart. I knew that was the right thing to do as well, but I had been blinded by the surprise of getting into my reach school, and it suddenly had me questioning what the right thing to do was.
The problem was I was focusing on how others would perceive my decision, not on how I actually felt about it. I felt like if I was “good enough” to get into PC, then I should go there because it would prove how smart I am (looking back, it saddens me how egotistical that thought process was). I had been excited about Assumption since the first time I stepped on campus, so in the end, the it was a natural decision to go there.
When Shit Hits the Fan
The first time I read the Cheryl strayed quote above was after I was diagnosed with Sjogren’s, and it was literally like a soothing balm for my brain to read. See, after choosing Assumption and going there for 2 amazing years, I had to leave for medical reasons. My plan for the next few years of my life had been completely blown to hell, and as a person who thrives on plans and schedules, this was terrifying.
I had this sheet of paper that I kept in a folder in my desk that had every single course I would need to take and when it was offered for the rest of my college career. I had planned out ever semester completely. I remember finding this sheet months later as I unpacked my college stuff, after moving back home, and just laughing at it. By that point it seemed so ridiculous that I had thought I could plan it all out like that.
I hadn’t known what was to come.
I hadn’t known there was a huge wrench waiting to drop into my life. I had assumed that my life would follow the path that everyone around me was following – four years of high school, four years of college, then straight into a career. I soon realized that that would not be my path. College would take longer, and my whole view of a “career” had to shift, because it became apparent that I would probably not be able to work a full-time job. Which brings me to…
The Career Plan
I started working at a daycare before I was diagnosed with Sjogren’s and still living at college. Back then I would just work during summers and school vacations as a teacher’s aid. It was a refreshing change from my previous job, which was working retail at a grocery store.
A few months after moving home from college, I started working a few hours a week at the daycare, just to bring a sense of normalcy and structure to my life. I slowly increased my hours until I was working the minimum amount to work towards becoming a certified early education teacher. Eventually I got certified, and am currently working towards becoming lead teacher certified.
I have grown to absolutely love my job and workplace. Working as an infant and toddler teacher fills my heart to the brim. It is an absolute honor to be trusted with the littlest lives, and being able to witness them grow into epic little humans is a huge bonus. I also have the most understanding boss on the planet, who allows me to work flexible hours and totally understands when I have to call in sick.
I never thought I’d work at the daycare as more than a filler job in college. But now, I plan to stay there for the foreseeable future. Here’s the thing, though: I’m overqualified and underpaid for my job (or at least will be once I have my college degree). Once again, just like when it came to picking colleges, I worried about how it would be seen to choose something that was “below my full potential.”
The two lines in Cheryl’s quote that really speak to me about this conundrum are:
“You don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success.”
and
“You don’t have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards.”
This job certainly won’t make me a millionaire, but I adore it. So it doesn’t matter that I have the potential to be making more money. I’d rather do something I love and be poor than do something I’m not that into and be rich. For me personally, being able to do something I love is success. So many people never figure out what they truly love, or they aren’t able to make a career out of what they love. I’m lucky that I’ve been able to do both at such a young age.
The Bottom Line
Society doesn’t need to validate your version of success.
It’s up to you to determine what success means to you, and what a good life will look like. If that’s the traditional view of success (money & materials) then cool, you go out there and pursue those things. But if your view looks different, embrace it and don’t get caught up in what society may tell you about it.
