Self-Love for Single Ladies

The Art of Self-Love

Ah, the ever elusive topic of self-love. As self-love and self-care (which is self-love in action) have entered the spotlight over the past few years, many have worked on the art of loving themselves.

Truthfully, this isn’t always an easy thing to do. We live in a society that impresses unrealistic expectations upon us, and we feel defeated when we cannot live up to them. So the first step towards self-love is to give a big F YOU to society’s standards.

We are also taught that our worthiness lies in whether or not others like us, so being single can feel like a sign that we are not worthy of love. Well, I’m here to tell you that your relationship with yourself is just as important (if not more important) than your relationship with a significant other.

Self-love is for everyone – single, in a relationship, or anywhere in between – and the self-love strategies below can be practiced no matter what your relationship status is, but this Valentine’s Day, I wanted to focus on my single ladies and how they can show themselves some love, and how they don’t need no man to feel special!

*Side note on self-love – if you’re in a bad place, body image-wise or otherwise, work on this slowly and start with pursuing self-acceptance. Loving yourself can be hard when you have years of experience hating yourself or picking yourself apart due to societal standards, emotional abuse, etc., so begin by just trying to accept yourself. Strive for neutrality if love seems far off.

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The 5 Love Languages for Singles

You may have heard of the 5 Love Languages by now, a concept that took the world by storm when Gary Chapman began writing about it. I’ve personally read and enjoyed the book – even as a perpetually single lady, it helped me recognize what my love languages are and how they relate to all of my platonic relationships with family and friends.

It is super helpful to be self-aware of how you like to receive love, and how those you love like to receive it, so you can tailor your actions to them and their specific love languages. It also helps you decipher what the best ways to show yourself love are!

You can take the 5 Love Languages quiz online here, and you can input whether you are single or in a relationship and it will cater the quiz questions to you! Below you’ll see that I’ve included the different love languages in the titles of sections so you can see which ideas will work best for you!

Further reading: 5 Quizzes to Help You Step into Self-Awareness

 20 Ways to Show Yourself Some Love This Valentine’s Day:

Date Yourself

Love Language: Quality Time

I LOVE TAKING MYSELF ON DATES. Yup, I said it. I love spending some time alone in a coffee shop, sipping my latte and reading a good book. I’m always down to grab a nice meal while I’m out and about and eating it while I people watch. It’s so fun hitting the nail salon solo. I’m not afraid to spend time alone (that’s the introvert in me), but its ok if that’s a new concept for you!

A few ideas for dates with YOUR DAMN SELF:

• Take yourself out to dinner. You can sit at a table for two (the other chair makes a great place to store your coat and purse), or if that feels a little weird at this point, sit at the bar!
• Treat yourself to a yummy drink at a coffee shop and sip it slowly while you read, people watch, or even scroll through social media.
• Go on a nice walk. Not just around your neighborhood, but take yourself to a nice walking trail or local park.
• Take yourself to the movies. You won’t have to share the popcorn! This is a great option to newbies to dating themselves because it may feel a little less awkward to be alone in a dark room than alone in the middle of a busy restaurant.
• Get dressed up. I personally really enjoy trying out new make-up looks and straightening or curling my hair once in a while for special occasions. But who says you have to wait for a special occasion!? If you’ve been dying to wear that new LBD you bought, or try out a smokey eye for the first time, go for it girl! You can rock the look on one of the solo dates listed above or just wear it around the house (but don’t forget to snap a pic for Insta!).

Treat Yourself

Love Languages: Receiving Gifts/Physical Touch

You don’t have to wait for a love interest to buy you presents. You can TREAT YO DAMN SELF! Sometimes that even feels better, because you know that you’re doing something good for yourself using your own hard earned money. When my first freelance writing check rolled in a couple of months ago, one of the first things I did was get my nails done (a rare treat for me).

Here are some ideas for treating yourself:

• Make or buy yourself a decadent dessert. If you enjoy baking, it might be fun to try out a new recipe, or if you’re clueless in the kitchen, even grocery store bakeries usually have some tempting treats.
• Buy yourself flowers. Fresh flowers are such a lovely gift to give yourself. They brighten up your home and will make you feel good every time you look at them!
• Splurge a little! Buy yourself something that you’ve had your eye on, but haven’t had an occasion to buy yet. You deserve it.

You can also treat yourself to experiences, such as these ones that include the love language of physical touch:

• Run yourself a lush bath. I’m talking bath bombs, bath salts, essential oils (properly diluted or diffused), candles, soothing music and/or a book. Go all out!
• Get a massage, facial, or mani/pedi. I got a massage and facial for the first time on my birthday this year and it was DIVINE. I highly recommend experiencing it if you never have before. Face masks and mani/pedis can definitely be done on the cheap at home too!

Nourish Yourself

Love Language: Acts of Service

It feels really good to take really good care of yourself. Just the act of knowing that you’re doing something good for yourself (like eating something healthy, moving your body, or using clean skincare products) is good for you!

Here are some ideas for nourishing your mind, body, and soul:

• Cook yourself a healthy, nourishing meal. The sheer act of making food for yourself is fulfilling, but making food that you know will positively support your body is even more so. Try out a new recipe, something fun!
• Do yoga (or your preferred form of movement). Moving your body will make you feel really good (hello, endorphins!) and it will feel good to know that you are doing something positive for your health.
• Meditate. Meditation forces you to sit with yourself and take a few moments to just breathe and be in the present. It can be very soothing to the soul.
• Read a book. Reading can be so nourishing to the mind and soul! It can be fun to just get lost in a fictional book, or learn about an inspirational figure in a biography.

Work on Yourself

Love Language: Acts of Service

Loving yourself doesn’t mean you have to stop working on yourself. Constantly learning and growing is a part of self-love! The more you learn about yourself, the more there is to love about yourself.

Here are some ideas for working on yourself:

• Read personal growth books. I don’t always love the popular personal growth books, but some that I’ve really enjoyed are: The Four Agreements, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, and The Art of Power.
• Listen to podcasts. Some of my favorites right now include:
  • Wellness: The Chasing Joy Podcast, Almost 30, Rise to Thrive, She Thrives Radio
  • Business: The Goal Digger Podcast, The Influencer Podcast
• Journal. Writing out your thoughts and feelings in a journal can help you really work through them. Sometimes you don’t even realize what you’re thinking about until you put pen to paper! Keeping a journal over time can also help you detect patterns in your ups and downs.

Celebrate Yourself

Love Language: Words of Affirmation

You rock. You are awesome. You are unbelievable. You are great. You are amazing. You are worth celebrating!

Here are some ways you can do that:

• Affirmations. Affirmations can be a powerful tool when used over and over again because they become ingrained in your mind. Here are some self-love affirmations that you can use during meditation, write on sticky notes on your bathroom mirror, or just say to yourself every day:

• Write yourself a love letter. My grandfather wrote my grandmother hundreds of letters while he was away at war. They are the absolute sweetest things to read! But you don’t need to wait for some huge romantic gesture like that – you can write love letters to yourself! Start with “Dear (your name),” and then go off on all the things you love about yourself, all of your accomplishments, etc.
• Make a gratitude list. Gratitude is such a powerful way to shift your perspective.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, remember to show yourself some love! Self-love is something that we should all constantly be working on, and the strategies listed above are some of my favorite ways to grow in self-love.