4 Inspirational Quotes That Are BS

Scroll for more than a couple of seconds on Facebook, Instagram, or Pinterest and you’ll come across a plethora of so-called “inspirational” quotes. But how often do you stop and think about the real messages of these quotes? Do you just blindly accept them at face value, or do you dig a little deeper to read into what they’re really saying?

Oftentimes the sentiment of these inspirational quotes is a good one, but there is harm in the fine print. Our words are incredibly powerful, and we must think about the impact that our words could have, even if our intentions are good.

1. “How can anyone love you if you don’t love yourself?”

Self-love is an amazing thing…but it can be really hard for a lot of people to achieve! Telling someone they’re unlovable unless they love themselves can actually just make people feel WORSE about themselves. Your family, friends, partner, or other loved ones are SUPPOSED to love you when you don’t love yourself. They’re the ones that remind you how awesome you are and remind you why you have every reason to love yourself! So yes, other people love you, even if you don’t love yourself.

I also think it can be harmful to say “you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m ALL for self-love, and I think it is extremely important to be able to love yourself outside of a relationship, but I think there are some cases where people are in tough spots, don’t love themselves, and a caring and loving partner helps them can help them learn to love themselves.

So stop making people feel bad if they don’t love themselves at the moment! Self-love can be difficult, especially if you’ve been a victim of abuse, have been bullied, don’t fit within societal norms, etc. People who don’t love themselves can and should love others and be loved by others. They can both help so much with the process of loving themselves again!

2. “You control your thoughts.”

I find these quotes so dismissive. I personally don’t believe that we choose each and every thought we think… especially those of us with mental illnesses that cause intrusive thoughts to pop into our heads. This notion that you’re in control of your thoughts brings about the expectation that all of your thoughts will be good, kind, positive, and productive…and that’s just simply unrealistic. Even the best of us have bad thoughts cross our minds!

When I fall into a panic attack, I’m not choosing to think that I’m spiraling downward towards impending doom. When a person with PTSD has a flashback, they’re not choosing to put that into their mind. When someone with depression thinks, “this just isn’t worth it,” – they’re not choosing that perspective. The notion that you are in control of your thoughts makes it seem like you are choosing the thoughts that come along with your illness (like sad, scared, hopeless, etc.), which is the exact root of the stigma that surrounds mental illness!

I certainly don’t think we are powerless when it comes to out thoughts. I DO believe that we can consciously make an effort to be more mindful of our thoughts and actively work on changing our thought patterns. For example, if a negative thought pops into your mind, like “I hate my life,” you can consciously choose to dismiss that thought. You can can choose to reframe it, perhaps by mindfully listing the reasons you love your life. And if you catch yourself and reframe your negative thoughts enough times, you can start to change your thought patterns so those negative, intrusive thoughts don’t show up in the first place.

When I have a panic attack or become anxious, self-talk is my best friend. I remind myself, “this is just a panic attack. You are safe. You are not dying. You will get through this. You’ve gotten through this before. You’ll get through this again.” And so on. I have strategies and tools for shifting my thoughts away from the anxious ones, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I can control whether or not anxious thoughts pop up again.

3. “Positive vibes only!”

Once again – unrealistic. NO ONE IS POSITIVE ALL THE TIME! If you were, you’d be a robot. Obviously positive vibes are preferred, because everyone is more comfortable that way. But having some “negative vibes” once in a while is A-OK! Everyone has bad days…you just can’t let them take over your life.

I’m a firm believer that we should feel our feelings, and not all of these feelings will be positive! The best way to heal is to allow yourself to feel everything – good, bad, or ugly – and work through it, rather than avoiding it and pushing it down deeper inside of you. So bring on your bad vibes and negative feelings – let’s work through them so we can get back to baseline!

On another note, this is a tactic that is often used when people fight for social justice issues. It’s an example of spiritual bypass, meaning that someone uses spirituality (positive vibes/raise your vibration/etc.) as an excuse not to face a serious issue that may be scary or uncomfortable. I see this so often in comment threads on Instagram – someone will make a post denouncing racism, or something of the sort, and someone will inevitably comment that we “shouldn’t focus on the bad parts of the world” or “we should all just love one another,” and it’s like, yeah, I wish we could do both of those things, but they’re impossible when people of color are being systemically marginalized.

People say things like “I don’t watch the news because it has too many bad vibes,” but this is an extremely privileged point of view. Some people don’t have the ability to ignore the news, because the awful things that are happening in the news are actually affecting them. Black people don’t have the privilege of ignoring police brutality against POC because they have to protect themselves against it. Immigrants don’t have the privilege of ignoring talk about DACA being repealed or families being separated at the border because they are actual concerns for them. So no – let’s not overemphasize the positive in order to divert attention away from all of the issues in our society.

4. “Let it go!”

I actually previously wrote a whole blog post on this one, but here’s the gist: it’s not actually that easy to let things go. Kind of like the feeling your feelings idea, it’s actually more realistic to just let things BE, and you’ll eventually work through them and then let them go completely. Here’s an excerpt from my previous post with some more specific examples:

“When someone is nervous about a job interview, he or she is told to let go of fear. When someone is holding a long-time grudge, he or she is told to let go of anger. How? My feelings are my feelings. How am I supposed to let them go? How am I supposed to just forget them on command? They are my feelings, my emotions. They flow out of me naturally. I can’t stop them. But I can let them be. The nervousness, the anger – it’s ok to have them. It’s not ok to let them control you. Let yourself be nervous, but rock the job interview anyway. Let yourself be angry, but forgive the person anyway.”

I would love to hear your perspectives on these quotes! Have you ever had an inspirational quote just rub you the wrong way? Have you ever even thought twice about any of these quotes? Let me know in the comments below!

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