This is a super weird time for everyone. Sometimes I sit back and think about the fact that we’re all locked in our houses because of a virus that is spreading like wildfire throughout the entire globe and I just can’t help but feel like we’re living in a movie!
However, many aspects of this aren’t actually new to me, or many of us who live with chronic illnesses. We’re used to spending long stretches of time stuck in the house, canceling plans/trips, having to leave school or a job, etc.
Of course, chronic illness and the covid-19 pandemic are completely different situations in many ways (the mass panic, hoarding of supplies, overwhelming of the medical system, etc.), but the way it affects the average person who’s stuck in social isolation is pretty similar.
See – when I was diagnosed with Sjogren’s in 2015, I had to leave school mid-way through my junior year of college. I moved home and was virtually homebound for about 4 months before I began super slowly building my life back up. I missed out on college experiences that I still grieve to this day. (You can read my full story with invisible illnesses here.)
Since then, I’ve had to cancel or change countless plans, including a trip I was highly looking forward to (this turned me into a bit of a commitment-phobe) and spent lots of time stuck inside due to extreme fatigue.Now, it’s not fatigue that keeps me inside, but the threat of covid-19 (coronavirus).
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not telling you this to say it’s easy for me or that I’m an expert on isolating myself. No – what I’m saying is: I fully understand how hard this is, and though I’ve been through it before, I still struggle with it!
Today I wanted to share with you some things that I’ve learned from isolation due to chronic illness that might help you with coronavirus isolation.
5 Ways Chronic Illness Prepared Me For Coronavirus Isolation
1. Feelings come in waves
By now, I’m sure you’ve experienced a huge range of emotions in isolation. I know I have!
Anxiety for myself, my family, the immunocompromised, the elderly, healthcare workers, those who can’t self-isolate, small businesses, etc.
Anger at the people who aren’t doing the right thing, the politicians who dropped the ball, etc.
Sadness for those who have been taken by covid-19 and all of their loved ones.
But all of this has been intertwined with moments of calm, peace, joy, and other emotions that seem to have no place in the midst of a pandemic. But here’s the thing: humans were made to feel a range of emotions and it’s ok to feel however you do. It’s ok to have happy moments, even when you know others are struggling. It’s ok to laugh and smile. It means you’re making the most of things!
Let yourself feel your feelings – all of them. No judgement. Ride the waves.
2. It’s ok to grieve your old life
It may feel trivial to talk about grieving the loss of things like going to coffee shops and seeing friends for drinks when people are grieving the loss of loved ones to the virus, but I’m a big believer that just because others are struggling “more” than you doesn’t mean that your struggle isn’t valid.
It’s ok to grieve the things you’ve lost (even if only temporarily) due to coronavirus. I am grieving the loss of my routine, the loss of going into work everyday and being close to my coworkers, seeing my friends in person, etc.
I’ve written before about going through the 5 stages of grief after a chronic illness diagnosis. I believe that people are grieving in a similar way due to coronavirus.
- Denial – we saw this in the kids that flocked to Florida beaches over spring break, or the people who continued to attend social gatherings and said “it’s not that bad” or “the media is blowing things out of proportion.”
- Anger – most probably started feeling this when they realized just how much their lives were going to change due to this illness.
- Bargaining – this is thoughts like “if only I had x, things wouldn’t be so bad right now.” It’s easy to look back and see how we could have done things differently, but it’s not all that useful. We just need to work with what we’ve got.
- Depression – I think a lot of us probably felt this when we realized how long this was going to last. At first, many schools and jobs put people on a 2 week temporary isolation, only to increase that to at least another month (and realistically, that will probably be extended again).
- Acceptance – eventually, we’ll all come to a place of acceptance. It doesn’t mean we like the hand we were dealt, but rather that we acknowledge things are the way the are and we will just have to work with them!
There is no timeline for this grief. Everyone grieves differently, especially depending on their lived experience, so don’t put pressure on yourself to accept your fate before you’re ready to.
3. It takes time to get used to a new normal
One day a few years into chronic illness I woke up and realized I couldn’t remember what it was like to have the energy my peers did. I couldn’t remember what it was like to do a full day of errands, or make multiple plans in a day. Listening to my friends’ schedules made me head spin and felt foreign because I was so far removed from that level of activity.
It took me years to feel like chronic illness was my new normal. It takes a long time to adjust from one extreme to another! Hopefully, we won’t have to totally adjust to a new normal because this isolation will be over in a matter of months, but we need to try and adjust enough to live fulfilling lives.
4. You don’t have to be productive
Don’t put pressure on yourself to be extra productive or create all sorts of new things right now!
Of course, if you’re lucky enough to be able to work from home, you will need to be productive in that sense, but I’m talking about all the extra stuff. You may feel like since you need to spend more time at home, you should utilize it to the best of your ability. Clean the whole house, do every online fitness class, write that book you’ve always wanted to, etc.
But don’t forget there’s a pandemic going on. Surviving it and staying home to help others survive it is the most productive thing you can do. That’s going to take up some of your brain space and emotional energy!
Allow yourself to do whatever it is you need to do to feel better during this time. For me, that’s been watching a lot of Netflix and Tik Toks, reading romance novels, and baking yummy goodies. Let yourself be lazy if that feels good!
5. A change in perspective can make all the difference
One thing I learned while being stuck at home was that even the littlest change in location makes a huge difference. No, we can’t get out and go anywhere. But we can go for walks, drives, or even just move around within our houses! I like to rotate from the couch, to the kitchen table, to my bed. Literally even moving from one side of the kitchen table to the other makes a difference for me! I also like sitting out on the porch when the weather allows.
Being isolated right now feels both eerily similar to and wildly different from being isolated due to Sjogren’s. The biggest differences are that I’m not experiencing debilitating fatigue right now (like I would if I was homebound from Sjogren’s) and that the rest of the world is homebound with me. I get a great sense of comfort from the fact that we’re all in this together!
When I was socially isolated due to Sjogren’s, I often felt misunderstood. No one knew what it felt like to be stuck at home watching the rest of the world live their lives. But in this isolation, I feel a soothing sense of camaraderie.
I hope some of these reminders bring you peace and reassurance during this time. We are truly all in this together and it has never felt more important to connect with others in a meaningful way.
I also hope this experience may make people a bit more understanding of the plight of the chronically ill. Of course, people aren’t experiencing any of the physical symptoms that those with chronic illness experience, but they are getting a taste of the grief and struggle of isolation!
(Read more about how to support someone who’s going through a hard time here).
P.S. Sending a HUGE “thank you” to the essential workers who are continuing to support our society (grocery store workers, delivery & postal workers, etc.) and an extra huge thank you to our healthcare workers, who are literally risking their lives without proper personal protective equipment to save lives.
