So this was originally supposed to be a Mother’s Day post, but I ended up having strep throat and a fever the whole week leading up to it and couldn’t get my shit together to write the post, so now it’s for my mama’s birthday (today, May 30th – give her a shoutout!).
My mom, Mary, is hands down the strongest, wisest woman I know. She grew up the youngest of nine children in a pretty poor family. Her father died suddenly and tragically when she was 16. She worked from a young age and put herself through college and grad school. She never wanted to get married because she was fiercely independent, but my dad wore her down (thankfully!). She cared for her ailing mother with a kindness that I can only wish to mimic. And she’s dealt with her fair share of mental and physical health issues that have given her the grace and empathy to help me deal with mine.
I always say she’s a saint for the way she puts up with and cares for my brother and I. She has supported me and cared for me endlessly through every single health issue I’ve had (from anxiety, to a total thyroidectomy, to Sjogren’s, to IBS, and everything in between). She has held me as I shook uncontrollably during a panic attack, made multiple early morning emergency room runs, and one very necessary midnight CVS run for Gas-X (gas pains are no joke, y’all. I understand why babies cry so much about them now).
She is my biggest advocate. Whenever she’s in a doctor’s appointment with me or some sort of meeting about school or something, MAMA BEAR comes out. When I am too meek or too much of a people pleaser to fight for myself, she always steps up and fights for me. When I was in the seventh grade and newly diagnosed with anxiety, one thing at school that gave me anxiety was gym class. So my mom got me out of it – for the entire year! (Did you know that PE is mandatory by law? Not when mama bear has something to say about it!). I don’t think I would have ever gotten my diagnosis of Sjogren’s if my mom hadn’t really pushed my doctor to run extra tests on me. And those are just a couple of examples in a sea of them.
She’s also my best friend. My mom is the first person I want to tell things to. If it’s good news, I’m excited to tell her all about it, and if it’s bad, she’s the first person I turn to for advice. We tend to have a strange sense of humor, and we can get each other laughing like no one else can over the stupidest things. We often joke that we’re the same person because we have so many similarities and think so similarly (for better or worse!).
Anyways, this wasn’t meant to be a love letter for my mom, but there you have it! (Do you think this post can count as her birthday card this year?). Now that you have a little taste of why I adore my mom so much, I want to pass along some of the wisdom that I’ve gained from her over the years:
6 Lessons I’ve Learned From My Mom
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Advocate for Yourself
Above, I wrote all about how my mom advocates for me. But she’s also taught me that you, yourself, are your biggest advocate! I’m lucky that I have her around to guide me, but in general, in life, no one’s going to look out for you like you will look out for yourself.
People will take advantage of you if you let them. Humans will almost always try to take the easiest way out, the shortest route, even if that means steamrolling someone else in the process. You must learn to stand up for yourself by knowing your own worth and knowing that you are worth fighting for!
2. Your health always comes first
Even before I ever had a chronic illness, my mom was always quick to remind me that my health (mental & physical) came first. Before homework, before work or babysitting, etc. The consensus in my family was that priorities should look like this: 1. Health, 2. Family, 3. School/work.
I am so incredibly grateful that health (including mental health) was always considered a priority. I’ve learned that if you’re not in good health, you won’t be the most productive version of yourself and you won’t be able to give your best to others, to your job, to your passions, etc. Learning to put my health first has really helped me live well, especially now that I have multiple health issues and taking care of them needs to be a top priority in order to be a functioning human being!
3. You show up for family
As stated above, I was taught that being there for family was a top priority. No matter what may happen in life, these people are your blood, and they are always your family whether you like it or not. And family shows up for family. Whether it be attending an event that you may not necessarily want to attend, or driving to the hospital in the middle of the night, you SHOW UP.
Showing up is just a way of showing silent support. Even if you’re sitting in the back, or you can barely speak to the person, showing up means a lot. And showing up is often the hardest part! Once you can get your butt somewhere, like an event, actually attending the event usually isn’t really that bad.
4. Forgiveness is always possible
Through a decade-long familial issue that I will not go into (because its not my story to tell), that has now been fully resolved, I have learned from my mom that forgiveness is always possible, no matter what the other person has done in the past. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the past. It means remembering it, and consciously choosing to move on.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Maybe it allows you to move on in your own life, or even to move your relationship with the other person in a better direction. By forgiving someone, you no longer have to harbor that negative energy you once held towards them. And I’ve seen first hand, through my mom, how profound forgiveness can create really amazing results.
5. If you’re going to do something, do it well
This is something I picked up from my mom without her really ever saying the words to me. I just did things the same way she did, which is never half-assing a project and always giving 100%. We are both perfectionists (sometimes to a fault), but it means that we do good work and the things we create are always correct and comprehensive.
I worked as my Mom’s office assistant one summer before I was old enough to get a “real” job, and to this day she jokes that I was one of the only people she could ever work with because I just got it. Take a simple task like labeling files: I would always make sure the labels were spelled correctly, put on the folders straight, and color coded and alphabetized correctly. I couldn’t do it any other way, because even a silly little task like that, I refused to do less than my best!
6. Worrying isn’t productive
My mom actually worries the same way I do (about everything), and my dad used to always say to her “you could worry about your big toe falling off,” to show how silly it was to worry about every negative possibility. First of all, they’re probably not even going to happen. And second, even if they do, worrying about it wouldn’t have changed that.
My mom learned to think this way from him, and her famous line while I was growing up became: “You could step off a curb tomorrow and get hit by a bus.” It’s just a reminder that we can worry about every little thing that could possibly go wrong, but in reality, our worrying does nothing (except make us miserable). You never know what the future holds, so it’s not worth worrying about it!
What important life lessons did you learn from your mom? Share in the comments below!
